The Secret to a Lasting Marriage: Embrace Imperfection

Contributor: Deb Graham



When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said: "Baby, I love burned toast."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Debbie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides ­a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!"

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner…and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it's a cherished memory from my childhood that I'll never forget. And it's one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late…as usual…and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast. But all I got was a "Thank you!" I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, "Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day."

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad…how burnt toast hadn't been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn't a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things…and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn't the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching "Golf Academy" is not my idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences. You might say that we've learned to love each other for who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer's dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less! Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we're also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he's thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I'm troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We've traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called "marriage" work!

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's differences - is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of GOD. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn't a deal-breaker!

Have a great day! May God bless your marriage.

Compiled from the email of:

Bro. Napoleon Albarillo
Ontario, Canada
Email: nralbarillo@yahoo.com
Website: http://www.interpol.int

NATCON 2008 Bulletin No. 3 Song Writing Contest

Gamma Epsilon National Theme Song Writing Contest

IT MUST TELL THE OBJECTIVES OF OUR BROTHERHOOD, VALUES, LOVE FOR GOD, COUNTRY AND ENVIRONMENT.

Rules and Regulations:
1. Genre includes but is not limited to ballad/jazz/pop/R&B/new wave, etc.
2. Composition must be in English.
3. Submitted entry must be an original composition which should not be shorter than 3 minutes but must not exceed 4 minutes.
4. The entry may have multiple co-writers. Open to all members and friends of members.
5. Entry will be judge equally on melody, composition, originality and lyrics.
6. Submit entry before August 30, 2008. Music in one CD and lyrics in Powerpoint in another CD and must be properly labelled.
7. Contest participants may have to submit a maximum of 2 entries.
8. Pre screening will be conducted in case there will be more than 5 entries.
9. Contest participant will have to render the song or assign someone to sing the composition during the final Judging and Awarding of Prizes which will be made during the 2nd National Convention on October 24-26 in Cebu City, Philippines.
10. Submit sealed entries thru LBC or other couriers to:
The Secretariat, 2nd NatCon
c/o Ernest "Katot' Burdeos
Manhattan Town Homes U2B3
No. 1 F Castillo St. Corner Aurora Blvd.
1109 Brgy Marilag, Proect 4, Quezon City
Philippines

For more Information please contact:

Ernesto ‘ Katot’ Burdeos
Convention Chairman
Email: katot_emb@yahoo.com
Mobile No. +63.917.626.4528
Mobile Fax. +63.917.676.5406
TeleFax : +63.2.371.2970

The 90/10 Principle

by Stephen Covey
Author of the book
7Habits of Highly Effective People




Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life.
What is the 90/10 Principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off.
A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%.
The other 90% is different.
You determine the other 90%.
How? By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction.
Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family.
Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.
You have no control over what just what happened.
What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears.
After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for
placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows.
You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy
crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school.
She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work.
You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.
Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school.
Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.
Your day has started terribly.
As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find
a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you.
Your daughter is about to cry.
You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time."
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs.
After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase,
you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus.
She turns and waves.
You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.
Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios.
Both started the same.
Both ended different.
Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens.
The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.
If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge.
Let the attack roll off like water on glass.
You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day.
A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?
Do you lose your temper?
Pound on the steering wheel?
A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off!
Do you curse?
Does your blood pressure skyrocket?
Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated?
It will work out.
Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day.
Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.
Why get stressed out?
It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle.
Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.
You will lose nothing if you try it.
The 90-10 principle is incredible.
Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.
There never seem to be a success in life.
Bad days follow bad days.
Terrible things seem to be constantly happening.
There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships.
Worry consumes time.
Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.
Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel.

Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.
You can be different!
Understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It will change your life.
live well.. laugh often.. love much.. have a good life!


Compiled from the email of:

Bro Bienvenido Calvario Jr
Philippine National Police
Email: biencalvs@yahoo.com.ph
Website: www.pnp.gov.ph